So I went and took a chair and was thinking 'What the eff am I doing here? Why am I sitting?' When the guy whose office it was turned to me and said 'I thought we were done, I need to leave, is there anything else?' I caught myself saying 'she told me to sit here' and walked out. Even though I knew I was ready to leave, I was further confused that I needed to stay, and assumed she knew something that I didn't. I was in a meeting the other day in someone's office where I was very confused, and another person pushed my arm repeatedly towards a chair and said 'sit' and she continued talking with him. if as a scientist I can pick up these clues, I can deduce logically that I'm angry without consciously feeling it. Sometimes it spills out in the form of passive-aggressive communication or seething resentment.
It was a necessary survival skill when I was a child.
I'm a very self-aware person, but one thing I've learned to hide from myself is my anger.
